I am Gobsmacked yet Hunky Dory

I’ve learned a lot about myself through writing these blog entries. One of the most important things I have learned since coming to Geneseo is that we’re all adults now and must start acting like it. However, I’ve learned that being an adult doesn’t always mean being more mature or working on self-improvement. All these years before college, we’re told what is moral and what is not, or right and wrong. However, I’ve learned that Geneseo and college generally aren’t just black and white. The idea of morals and fallible information seems to be more subjective rather than objective. Regarding the school, I’ve seen numerous perspectives on various topics. Unfortunately, I’ve learned that college is very biased in which perspective should be respected and which is looked down upon. Holding viewpoints opposed to Geneseo’s social standards is looked down upon. This causes the ability to connect with people much harder.  

All of my classes, for the most part, are going well. I still don’t enjoy learning at Geneseo much, but my courses are generally acceptable. Geneseo has some rigorous courses; however, since I’m on the premed track, it is only to be expected. On the bright side, at least STEM majors weed out people who don’t actually care about their major or education. Ironically, my classes are the only thing I actually enjoy going to, including this class. Getting out of my dorm and interacting with people is refreshing. Unfortunately, most of my interactions are only academic-related, but interaction is interaction and must be appreciated. My interests align with my courses, and this is the only thing that motivates me at Geneseo. This course has been getting more enjoyable as time goes on. I used to do drama, and I was in a choir for years before coming to Geneseo; I am currently, however, just in the wind ensemble and jazz band.

Although we are not acting out the characters in The Theatre of War9 Circles, hearing other people read reminds me of my high school English classes. This is one of the only courses that reminds me of high school, and the fact that we’re learning about a topic not taught there makes it feel fresh. I’ve been able to make a bit of a  connection between 9 Circles, to other readings. Once again, by reading this book, I’ve connected it to Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl (a book that should be read in high school, in my opinion). In connection to PTSD in general, since it’s a big topic in this class, I find it interesting how different people can cope with it. More recently, within the book, we’ve seen how the character Reeves deals with it; Reeves is a very unhealthy example of coping. 9 Circles is very explicit, but that’s what is needed to express true PTSD. Although Reeves is a bit of a complicated character, we can learn that PTSD can be coped with in either a peaceful manner or a very violent and revolting way.

Although this unfortunate semester in my life has been anything but optimal, I am hoping to settle into Geneseo. I’m hoping I can settle into my dorm as well. I’m not too hopeful about this because finals are coming up, and classes finish soon. There isn’t much time to settle in; in fact, it’d be more worth studying for exams rather than settling in right now. In terms of my classes, I hope that I will be able to keep passing all of them. I want to be able to pass all of my finals. I really want to score extremely high on my finals, but the motivation to study after only studying since being here is waning. Ultimately, I’ve realized that my grades are linked to my thoughts on Geneseo. It’s easier to study when you enjoy being somewhere. In this case, I’ll have to study for my own sake, it won’t be amusing, but as a college student, I’m just like everybody else and must do it to prosper.      

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