Author: Andrea

I never thought that the innocent joy of my childhood would remain a mere memory. College compels teenagers to forget about those stormy nights that terrified us, those school trips that went to the bookstore, but the simple fact that you had to go by bus with your friends, caused those jumps of illusion and joy. Those 20-minute breaks in which much of the week’s drama happened during those short minutes. In general, the innocent pleasure of small details. Now, one does not stop to think about those beautiful memories since there is no time for them; the only objective and thought is to reach the goal we only dreamed of as children.

The clock struck eleven in the morning, and I was surrounded by people I had never seen before during my years, and I must admit, it wasn’t very comforting. But as the days passed, I interacted more and more and got used to the routine. The routine of eating acai bowls on Tuesdays and sushi on Thursdays after class. The daily conversations about the reality of life and how there are rules on how to be happy, among other things. I know you’ll be asking why I’m sensitive if it’s only been three months. I titled this blog “Everything must come to an end.” And yes, it is true, that is the unwanted reality, having to follow the path of success, and because of it, the comfort of habit is lost. It is not a desire of anyone but an obligation due to the days going by faster and faster that you do not realize the beauty of the seasons. Seasons are another one of my few examples about the cycle of life and that although life is a cycle of experiences, there is no stop sign. If there is, it is only a temporary stop since many cars behind you will rush you to keep driving.

Well, I’ve talked a lot about the past, so let’s move on to the present. When I heard about the final project, I was terrified since I am not an individual who comes by public speaking naturally but out of obligation. But now it was different since the topic was severe and deserved to be heard and felt. I have to say that I didn’t know what PTSD stood for before I stepped foot in this class, but now that I know, I pay all my respects to the veterans because of the many resources. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), characterized by hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and avoidance behavior, was not diagnosed formally until the 1980s. Effective treatments for this condition did not become widely available until the 1990s. 

Although on the other hand, some individuals mark a contested and unsavory reputation towards the military. Of the texts we’ve read, such as Theater of War, or Acts of War, I have to admit that Nine Circles were one of the most impotent and vexatious theoretical pieces I’ve read. And it is not for the fact of having read it, but knowing that this happens daily to people living in Iraq, without it being shown in the news. That is why, returning to the mention of the final project, not being able to help or imagine what those who serve in the military go through every day and how they are irretrievably frightened. Having the opportunity to carry out this play, I can express my immense reverence and performance for the work of everyone with PTSD. Regarding this class, I feel that it has increased maturity in my outlook on my routine life. I am thankful daily for waking up and having family by my side. 

Although I am faced with the disadvantages of my readings without being dependent on a translator of English, I have been able to assimilate and provide a great understanding of the readings without having to go to the translator and depend on it. Although I have completed six years in this country, it is hard for me, and it will be hard for me to adapt to the assimilation. I will try my best to assimilate because it is clear that English is the dominant language you are expected to speak while in the states. I aspire to have the requirements and the academic hope of passing my classes while being able to enjoy the teaching this institute offers for a successful future. 

In a visual representation of how my way of life has become, there is an understanding that I have become an adult or am becoming one. Little by little, I have been accommodating my chores based on my schedule. Academic study is essential but mental health is just as important. Therefore, I have created a purpose to emphasize this state of mental well-being further. Since I am a perfectionist individual, it is hard for me to accept mistakes, and therefore, it causes me stress when I am inclined to keep trying until I solve it and it is perfect; consequently, it may be a time very focused on my satisfaction of acquiring that obstacle and forgetting to consider that I need rest. That is why, when traveling back to my house, I decided to go to the gym more often and dedicate myself to reading. I feel that these two tasks are so crucial since human growth needs both physical and mental development, and to have the opportunity to have access to a gym and a library that is very close to where I live, I need to take advantage of it and clear my mind from my routine life for a few hours.

In academic terms, I have to confirm that I am doing great. As I mentioned before, this schedule of valuing my mental well-being and intellectual life has been a great itinerary that has helped me focus more and not procrastinate as much as I did in the first days. As a person who cannot do the assigned work until the day before it is due, I have to admit that it was not hard for me to be on top of my tasks for my therapy for veterans’ class since the assignments are not ample. However, they are efficient and insightful to time and emphasize veteran service’s tragic and unmemorable events. Within the readings, specifically, I have been able to honor and see beyond the words and history of the veterans and, more deeply, the feelings; above all, the sacrifice and the trauma caused by those traumatic events we call wars.

The experience of vulnerability, danger, defenselessness, and terror can deeply mark people’s psyches. Bombings and the razing or extermination of entire towns are almost by necessity traumatizing; it surpasses the individual’s reaction mechanisms in extreme situations. Acute heart palpitations are a symptom of anxiety, and daily life can be disrupted by fatigue due to nightmares and other sleep disturbances. The history of the American conflagrations is studied in school. However, many adolescents and children do not understand the great feeling of heaviness and helplessness that the vast majority of veterans feel daily. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not a disorder that can be removed through rehabilitation or with the help of a psychologist. Unfortunately, this disorder is marked in many veterans’ lives since those moments of anguish, fear, and anger cannot be torn from their memories. That is why, although I cannot relate to the martyrdom of veterans, having the ability and accessibility of the books and course has been able to help me focus my mind on learning more about the life of veterans and the stories of each one of them. I consider it may not help you directly but based on my analysis and research, I am honoring your fight for your country and devotion to your homeland.

At the same time, I have to say that I have relied more on my English analogy in terms of writing, and I have not run into my comfort zone, being Spanish, since at the beginning of the year, my only fundamental resource as google translate. Now, it is not that I no longer use it, but I have been able to expand my English vocabulary and transform several words into related phrases. Although I have lived in this country for six years, it continues to be difficult for me to express myself fluently with my understanding of English. Thus, I continue with the purpose of being able to become fluent in my English writing and, therefore, not have to acquire knowledge of google translate since it does not always express what I want to say precisely. 

Furthermore, with my renewed ideology towards the new routine life, I am cultivating knowledge with which I connect through my essential goals, both academic, with the book Theater of War being a great example of the horrors and transgression of the battlefield. In general, and ultimately, I hope to be able to fill myself with various knowledge that this course can offer and thus be able to express it and spread it to my surroundings.

My biological name is Andrea Rivera, and I must say, the initials for my name are pleasant, A.R. I have lived in the United States for six years, and on the twenty-six of June next year will mark seven years of living in the United States. Now, you maybe wonder, where were you born, A.R.? Well, my nationality says Spain; therefore, my being was living her life in Spain, specifically, a region called Lorca, in a province named Murcia. Now, I do not look like any Spanish girl stereotype (if you may call it that); My dark hair, dark-colored eyes, and a soothing “mestizo” skin color. The category that I might feel knowledgeable about is the South American continent. That said, I can honestly acknowledge that even though I was born in Spain, my real identity and essence do not properly feel acquainted with my natal country.

June sixth, 2016, as aforementioned, was the day my parents announced our summer trip to the United States. The only word that came to mind was “WOAH.” What I did not know was that it was not a summer trip but a new home. That feeling continued to grow until the day SUNY Geneseo sent an email about applying. Such an intriguing college; therefore, my eagerness sparked a desire to research more and become acquainted with the college. Aside from being in the top 10 best SUNY in New York and having phenomenal potential and education, the college photos gave me such peace and joy that I knew it would be the right choice. There was a “but,” it was seven hours from home. Seven hours from my family. Seven hours from the place where I felt safe and comfortable. What if I hadn’t chosen right? And if I regretted it? What if it didn’t last and I had to go “home”? All those thoughts ran through my head as they were the only thing stopping me from going to college. Fortunately, I have the most understanding and loving family I have felt entirely supported. Have I made a good decision? Yes, the truth is yes. I thought I wouldn’t say it, but Geneseo has become a home and a place where I feel very safe. I love the site, but most of all, the help and support I get from everyone.

As I said before, I did not believe I would make such great connections with people since one of my greatest fears is public speaking; therefore, meeting new people was a dreadful understanding. The college thought that my being self-proclaimed and imagined was far from what SUNY Geneseo continues teaching me; one of those lessons is the comfort I feel with not only my classmates but the faculty and staff. The safe zone this college gives me is a sentiment that I would never have expected—from analyzing the wonders of nature back in the summer of 2021; to now, being able to walk through the halls with such a power walk.

Power Walk? Remember when I mentioned one of my greatest fears before? Well, let me introduce you to another one: Confidence. As you may or may not know, I have struggled with sharing my opinions with society; thus, social events were never my thing of entertainment. As a result, I can proudly say that, although it might be step by step, my inner timidness is decreasing, and my ability to open up to people is increasing daily.

Furthermore, the classes I belong to this semester are another of the qualities of my blossoming. Not only knowing that my academic knowledge is growing but also my perspective on life has matured. I can declare that my ideology of life has carried out many of the decisions that, in complete frankness, I did not even think I had applied as part of my life. Hence, one of my classes is Chemistry lab. Who would tell me that a chemistry lab would be fun but challenging simultaneously? Although the class was a requirement for my major, biology courses involving self-independent and responsible work frightened me. The last time I did a lab was in 9th grade, like many of my peers (due to the COVID-19 virus). This new ideology taught me not to be afraid to try new things because it may be one of the most critical decisions and significant accomplishments I have ever made. They have implemented gratitude towards my life and the typical phrase: you never know what you have until it’s gone. I know it’s ubiquitous, but it’s like that.

My INT 105 Theater for veterans course was another of the classes I was in without the slightest idea of the class’s meaning. I spent most of my time messaging students in my class over the summer to see if any had the same class since the class title did not indicate its significance when looking at it toward my major. Hence, upon entering the class, I decided to sit in the front because I felt that sitting in the back would distract me with the slightest gesture or noise; but having a teacher nearby helps with my deconcentration, and I risk having enough courage to participate more. As aforementioned, my ideology of a risk-taker philosophy made me meet two of the most outstanding students with whom I share more than one class, and now we are super close friends. Regarding academically, I must admit that the book They Say, I Say has helped me with my English grammar. Although this class may not have been an option, my growth in writing will continue, and very soon, I will be able to achieve my goal of only writing in English instead of using google translate to translate my thoughts.

Overall, I promise to honor my country respectfully, make my family proud and all those who trust in me. Oh, and to the people who never thought I would, it is a great honor to prove otherwise, so I, A.R., will continue my long way until it reaches the endpoint of the goal, as I just got the endpoint of the sentence.