My first semester

Hey! To whoever is reading this entry, my name is Joshua Hemmings and I’m in my first semester of college! I’m finally a fully fledged college student! I’ve been so excited for this time ever since I realized what I want as a career and who I want to be in the future. For my major, I’m going for Musical Theatre Performance. I understand that stage performing isn’t always the most lucrative field to want to do, but I came to the epiphany that musical theatre is one of the only careers that I can do for the rest of my life and be truly happy. As I get older and gain more agency over my life, I’ve come to value freedom or personal choice significantly more. So with that agency, I want to choose my own path, a path that gives me fulfillment and lifelong enjoyment that I’ve created for myself. Anyway, I began fantasizing about the perfect college experience. The time where I can begin to shape myself into the person I’ve always wanted to be sounded very enticing, but I’ve kind of allowed myself to be pretty naive.

So far, college has not been at all what I’ve wanted it to be. Yes, I understand that it’s still very early in the year and things really haven’t settled into what they are supposed to be like, but everything feels either underwhelming or disappointing. I know that that’s a bit harsh and college has been pretty good to me retrospectively, but I believe I put college on a pedestal. What I find disappointing is mostly the atmosphere and the social regression I’ve felt like I’ve made. Atmosphere first; one thing I’ve noticed is that everything on campus is so quiet. It feels like there is almost no chemistry between anybody here or people are so shy to even be seen, me included, which comes to my next point: I have been acting completely differently in college than I have in high school. I feel so scared, small, alone, quiet, frustrated, or stressed way more than I have been. I’m aware that I’ve lost all the safe havens I’ve formed in high school and I’ve yet to rebuild them. My schedule is slightly annoying with tight conflicts timewise and I feel like every goal I’ve set for myself Is being back tracked. It’s only been like two and a half weeks, but I feel like I’m losing at this college thing or at least doing it wrong. For classes, I’m not in anything too particularly challenging. I’m in a lot of general education courses since I’m undeclared right now, but I’m going to soon be auditioning for the musical theatre major professional degree. That’s what I can’t wait for since that’s where I’ll meet my closest friends, follow my passions, and truly start to love my time here at SUNY Geneseo.

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